who flung dung?

As most of you know Mike is a helicopter pilot at The Grand Canyon, and while it may sound pretty glamorous with all that firefighting and really cool air rescues it can also be very boring. Some days like today he is just waiting, playing video games, taking a nap and reading a book, now tomorrow he will fly the water flight and the Qwest guys around checking phone lines but last week was my favorite flight. Removing all the poop from the canyon outhouses, yes we all make fun of it cause its a really "crappy" job "slinging shit"all day, after all he flies like "crap" and at the end of the day you are "pooped out".

So with this in mind please proceed;

Back when we(me, siblings, and cousins) were young and cute, my Mother and Aunt Val would on occasion venture out with all seven of us cousins and blow big bucks(really I have no idea) on Chinese food at Lee's in P.G. pretty good food back then I mean it wasn't China Light after all.

And as you may know when you get that many little shits together something will happen.

Oh nothing to bad just a few pranks, and some really bad Chinese accents asking the wait staff stupid questions like whoflungdung, and some that I really can't print. But Andy's favorite was always whoflungdung. So just for him I have finally discovered who flung dung.

It was MIKE!

Really it was. Just last week actually, from 25 feet in the air going roughly 20 m.p.h. he "pickled" a 1200 pound load of human waste, and and left a dung mark of about 50 feet in diameter out at the waste treatment plant at the "Canyon".

So Andy, after 18 years I have finally answered your question, so now go forth and torment those at Panda Express(do you reallly think there's panda in there?). And don't forget in between the sheets.

things I have learned this week

Just a few random things I learned this week,
1; my four year old watches way to much t.v. last night as I served dinner on paper plates(again) she happily announced "It's a Dixie day".
2; when threatening to wistol pip your husband with someones play pistol stand back, fluid though the nose is never good.
3;there is something worse than a guy in Capri's, a guy in Capri's also wearing shoes and socks(SEXY).
4; never let the toddler sweep the floor, new dishes are pricey.

Why you should ALWAYS wear a slip

Okay Niki this one is for you( and by the way I had to spend $10 on my own crackpot cookbook)

Bout a year ago maybe a little longer we as a family of 7 crazy people made it to church, no crutches no canes, and a healthy baby. Everyone was dressed so cute, the girls in matching dresses, the big boys in slacks and ties, even Mike was back in "real"clothes did I say everyone okay well not the mama, as I recall I was just in a black T, and a denim wrap around skirt and as I was rushed that morning did not have time to slip on a slip, but who cared I was wearing denim(try seeing through that) Oh yeah and a pair of really cute black leather slides.

Joy upon Joy we even arrived at church early and got OUR bench(you know that short one in the back with wheelchair spots on each side that's the Brinkworths bench). Oh, no here comes Brother Johnson, ah what the opening and closing prayer oh well sure, thanks to crying baby, Mike ended up giving the opening and I the closing but wait I didn't have to after all. It seems that as I was hurriedly getting dressed I did not completely knot the tie on my skirt, and Carsten who spent most of Sacrament snuggled up to my left side had set on the ties so as I stood up to go deliver a great prayer(I had all hour to work it out in my head) I noticed something brushing my foot Yup you guessed it my little bear cub had pulled the tie and my skirt fell open for the entire bishopric to get a great glance at my "G"s.

Quickly oh so very quickly I threw myself down into a empty spot on a bench and quickly whispered to the GREAT Brother Randall that my skirt had fallen off and would he please please give the closing prayer, what a great guy he sprinted up there and prayed for a full six minutes while I got myself in order. You know the funny thing is only about ten people even knew what had happened until the MORON Brother Grimes made fun of me for chickening out, and a few of us laughed so hard we ended up telling him about my "wardrobe malfunction" and shortly after everyone knew.

And no that is not my most embarrassing moment I am pretty sure that hasn't even happened yet.

I Did Not!!!!!!

Yesterday I did not,

I did not let the kids watch tv so that I could sleep just a little longer,

I did not feed them day old muffins so that my kitchen stayed clean,

I also did not let Ardynn wear a play shirt to church, after she could not find her "cute" black T.

And I really did not take them to Safeway to wander around eating free cookies before church; cause if we had stayed home any longer their home environment would not have been safe.

I did not almost take Dawson to nursery,

And I most certainly did not eat(share his goldfish) instead of going to Sunday School(I had already been to Safeway).

And no I did not take them to McDonald's for lunch(I am so bad.)

I promise I did not let that cute little toddler fall asleep in a pile of pillows and blankets while the rest played wii and I read this weeks Time magazine.

I did not think bad words when I dropped paint on my last pair of unpainted pants(ebay here I come).

I did not really let my nine year old shoot ravens out of the tree in the back yard off of the back porch.(great shot Braxton).

Really I did not rest my head on a freshly painted wall as I struggled to paint behind the toilet.

I did not question Mikes need for 407 time.

I did not put Kallison in Ardynns shower so that she could wash her little sisters hair
.
I really did not forget to take the tortillas out of the freezer for chicken enchiladas, we had chicken enchilada bake instead(kinda layered like lasagna).

I did not pour Dawson a glass of ginger ale while Carsten said the dinner prayer just to keep him quiet.

I also did not sneak Braxtons cat into sleep with him just because he was feeling a little lonely.

And I REALLY DID NOT tuck them in their warm safe beds with extra hugs and whispered stories while I thanked my Heavenly Father for each of them.

So what have you not done lately?

How we met (or who paid who and who is still paying)

Okay, okay I can take a hint. Tell the story, well here it goes.

For you that remember some years ago Chet(my little brother) became interested in honey bees, and after some concern and weird looks the fam started looking into them. Well word got out and a few well meaning ward members kept mentioning the Brinkworths who at that time were well into their 50's(remember that cause it will be important.) So out goes the Parents and Chet to do some "Bee talking."

Unfortunately, they the Brinkworths' still had an unclaimed son( a little shy, a little weird looking, and at that moment under a car so a little dirty). Well the "men" started talking bees, and the women started talking hopeless offspring. One thing led to another and one mother(mine) whipped out a picture of said child and then proceeded to shove said picture at poor dirty guy and proclaim "this is our oldest daughter you should meet her." and then they left.

That next Sunday I went to church and as I was still new in the ward did not think it too weird when introduced to the older couple known as Dick and Val. They seemed nice and they had just given Chet "bee boxes" so I was even nice and said nothing about the loud cowboy boots clomping as they sneaked late into Sacrament meeting( I now know that that is Dicks way of letting them all know that he made it another week) said hello and proceeded to Nursery.

Well, well, well, stupid me a few days later I was at work minding my own business and spending as much as I made, when the phone rang " Hello Casual Corner this is Dusty, how may I help you?" "Oh hey Dust this is your mom what time do you get off?" "about four why?" "Well Valerie Brinkworth called and invited you to their house for dinner tonight and I told her you would be there at about six." "Ahh, what the Hell, dinner with the old people, what are you talking about and why?" "Well they really liked you Sunday and thought you would like to come out, she raises Collies and I mentioned you really liked animals." "Uhm well okay." So being the smart person that I am it finally dawned on me that something more was going on(after all it had only been a few short years before that, that my darling Grandmother had mailed off a Valentine card to a complete stranger from me). So I went home and changed into a pair of old pants of Saiges(yes five kids ago we could share them) a t-shirt and an old sweatshirt that I think was Brooke's.

Well I was off to have dinner with the old folks and after a few missed roads, and a very interesting side trip to the middle of nowhere, I arrived to be met by four or five hairy collies, Mike, his brother Tom, and his fiance Christina who were out shooting pictures of her old boyfriends(how weird are these people). Well after pretending not to know how to shoot and the showing off a little it was time for dinner; fish, steam cooked potatoes with only butter, salt and pepper? and salad with chick peas(what). Nothing better than a strained dinner with people you don't know and food you don't like, and a guy you have so obviously been set up with who doesn't talk.

After a few uncomfortable hours okay 20 minutes or so it came out Mike was a helicopter pilot and had just applied for a job in Alaska, reallllly not such a loser after all, so smarty me said "well just date me I seem to be the good luck job charm(last two guys I dated got jobs in D.C. and Argentina). "Haa Haa." "Would you like to meet the horses? We have one named Dusty but we call him dust ball" uhm was that supposed to be funny? So off to meet the ornery assed horse who proceeded to bite my shoe and grab the sleeve of my shirt, Wow nice to meet you I am out of here.

That very next day okay 2 days later Mike called "would you like to go to the dance that the single ward is having?" (really you are kidding me people really go to those things) "well okay", so off to Denver we went, did I forget to mention that I don't dance? oh well I looked really good flat on the floor. An ice cream cone later both me and my two left feet were back home safe and sound.

Coincidentally just a few days later Mike was on his way to Alaska, am I good or am I good? Well the night he got there he called me was I ever surprised, not that he had called but that I missed him(hmmm something was up). Well we phoned every night and wrote or sent cards at least 3-4 times a week(I still have every letter and card, so does he.) And in July I went to Juneau for a week(it rains an awful lot up there) to visit. Well we did talk the bid "L" word a little and even the "M" word.

October finally rolled around and Mike was coming home(boy was I glad the phone bill was way up there), well I picked him up at the airport and then he left to go Elk hunting that same day with his brothers and dad, so he was gone for another week. The night they got home his mother again invited me out for dinner and a chance to meet the family.(Yes he got his elk) and that night I got my diamond. And two in a half months later(January 9, 1998) we were married in the Denver Colorado Temple.
And now ten years and five kids later we have yet to go on a "REAL DATE" but we are loving it!

DRUM ROLL PLEASE..............

Okay everyone I need some help because according to my bank account I am broke(ok not really but I can see how it could happen). So I am reducing myself, okay okay just nicely asking everyone for $2o.oo just kidding. Really I am just looking for some new recipes for soups, casseroles or anything I can cook in my handy dandy crock pot. So if you all have some great recipes please post them in my comments for all to see, or email them to me, and please no turkey recipes.

p.s. if you post some I will tell you about my skirt, no dating, and my thoughts on Sarah Palin.

only in my life

Time; the present, usually on Wednesdays our local Jehovah's Witnesses have their little weekly get togethers, and on some Wednesdays but not all they come a'knocking. Now all of us locals understand, cause at least in our neck of the woods we are all Mormon(not to mention the only ones at home in the morning), so if they get by the dog, the DOG, and the waving flag, we let them stand and chat on the porch with us.

Time; roughly 2 years ago, I was doing a little shopping on the net, comparing prices and just trying to save a few bucks, so I had the great idea to buy a new bra after all I know my size and if you don't have to take small children bra shopping it is a good day.

Wow, did you know that you can get any size and really any color on the net. Well after some looking and some giggling and yes, one phone call I settled on a few new ones, now for years I have been wearing your basic white super duper bras or the extra super duty nursing bras so I went a little wild, I ordered a taupe, pale mint and getting a little frisky I even ordered a lavender one.

Okay fast forward about a week and in the mail I received a medium sized envelope with no outside markings, right then I knew what that was so rushing into the house I opened Pandora's box, so one boring taupe, a very pretty pale mint no seem under wire, and get this a HOOKER PURPLE NUMBER WITH LACE!!! Check order form, yep lavender, check web description, again lavender, oh well I could wear it under black, or other dark shirts and after all I was feeling a little frisky. I kept it.

Time; the present, Talk talk talk, yes I am still Mormon, yes I still believe in Hell(after all I still live here!) and no I am not interested in "Oh, what, the small boy child wants out of the house, yes he is so cute and busy hah hah, and yes I really have my hands full hah hah", and no kidding here comes cute busy little boy out of the house wearing a HOOKER PURPLE backpack. Well after a few smirks, a little chuckle and a few Watchtowers QUICKLY shoved at me they left, and I giggled and thanked small boy child.

Time; any Wednesday after this, "should we stop here?" "no I think not, didn't we tell you about that woman?" me, I now love hooker purple.